Bullying at work

[sugarglider]

I was recently in a work situation where I was subject to some really quite extraordinary bullying, from two middle-managers (both women), and to some extent from others who followed their lead.

I've never experienced anything like it before, in any work situation, at any time when I was at school, or in any kindergarten playground. At this particular workplace, it just seemed to be an accepted part of the culture.

Everything that didn't go to plan seemed to be my fault, I was given all the most tedious, menial and trivial tasks to do while everyone else got on with the interesting, important stuff, and I was generally spoken to with a tone of contempt and disrespect. It was made clear to me that I was being given the most simple tasks because I was not considered competent to do anything else.

At one point, while things were quiet and most of the team were outside taking a smoke break, I sat down for a cup of tea (as I'm not a smoker). The middle manager returned from her smoke break, saw me sitting there, demanded to know what I was doing and told me to get on with the work. Considering this was during the course of a sixteen hour day during which there were no formal breaks, I found this was downright abusive.

The stress of this was making me quite ill. I'm still at a loss to understand why I was singled out among this particular group.

Fortunately, this was only a contract job, so after working on a couple of projects, I just told them I wouldn't be available for any more. It occurred to me that others may not be fortunate enough to be in a position to just leave.

Has anyone had a similar experience? How did you deal with it?

[hhope1]

Whoa, thats a really bad situation. Maybe they were just being that way because you were a contract hiree and not a regular worker?

I don't know if I could have taken a situation like that, especially if I were stuck in a contract. I probably would have left before the work was finished.

Luckily I haven't been subject to bullying at work.

[sugarglider]

It really was very strange, and as I look back on it, I'm trying to just not let it bother me or take it too personally.

The bullying mentality just seemed to be part of the culture of the company. Almost all of the workers were there on a short-term contract basis, so maybe the insecurity of this had something to do with it. The contracts were on a project by project basis, and each project went for a week at most, so luckily it was very easy to just leave when I'd had enough.

What was really odd about it was that the company had a stated ethos that it worked under a "flat hierarchy" i.e. there were no bosses, everybody was equally important, and having your say was encouraged and expected. I went to a training day, and was shown a demonstration of how this very open, liberal, warm-and-cuddly kind of system was supposed to work. But when I actually started working there, I found that pretty well the complete opposite was true.

It was kind of like the Soviet Union - while everyone was all cozy with the idea that all the workers were being treated equally and were free from being bossed around, a really ugly, oppressive, abusive power structure just kind of naturally moved into the vacuum and set itself up.

[hadeline]

Hello to all

I have been in positions that have affected me in the past, due to others bullying me. I found that it was not about me, that this was being done to make them feel better about their selves and their problems.

I was bullied in school. Why? My father (now gone) said, They did those things because they were jealous, envious of my life and ways. I was always shown LOVE at home. Many of them were not shown the love I had and they had the problems at home. I guess it was a way for them to get back, without being punished for it, that I got the beatings from them.
Once I was old enough I began my own business, I was very good at it and made lots of money. Those that teased me and conned me were again jealous, cause of my success. They worked at belittling me and my ways of achieving my goals. They were so cruel, that I began to lose my confidence and my business.
I had a difficult time regaining the confidence back, being filled with such garbage and negativity. I needed to have an income to survive, so I began working in the serive industry as a waitress. Here I ran in to more negativity and knew it was not me that caused the problem, but I got the short end of the stick. The owner was an alcohalic and spent the money that was to keep his business going strong. He would say thing like you don't know anything, stupid girl, get to work you lazy bum, etc... So enough is enough and I quit. I have even been in relationships where I was knocked down over and over again physically and verbally.The ways they handled and saw things were not positive or even constructive.
I began to seek an opportunity to work for myself again. I took courses in positive thoughts, managing negativity and built my confidence back up through Harv T. Ekers' Millionaire minds courses and other courses he holds. He mentions that it is not about you but them.
Now I found a business that has helped me to stay focused and see now, that it was not me, it was about them. That is another reason many companies say some will, some won't, so what next. This motto is a good way to stay focused on your objectives for doing your own business.
I am becoming known and recognized now for my determination and persistance, in doing what I feel good about and enjoy doing. I have grown with my business and my business is growing because people want to be with people like myself, positive and encouraging.
Life is good when you keep your sights on the direction your moving and not let there pain be yours.
Thank you for letting me share this insight and I pray you benifit in your future endevours. Roberta

[sugarglider]

What a great story! Thanks for sharing.

I think that the worst thing that bullying does to you is that it damages your self-esteem and self-confidence, so that even if you're able to remove yourself from the situation in which the bullying was occuring, the damaging effects can follow you around for sometime afterwards.

I think that you're absolutely right that bullying comes from jealousy - people may envy you for something you didn't even realise was worth envying. In the work situation I described, the bullying was worst in the last project I worked on (which was why I left straight afterwards). On the first day of the project, we did a little "getting to know you" thing, where we all gave a bit of news about ourselves. I mentioned I had just started working on a PhD in music - and it's since occurred to me that this may have got up a few people's noses, particularly the woman who was the main perpetrator of the bullying.

It's very important to understand that it's the bullies who have the problem, not you, and to really believe it deep down, otherwise recovering your self-esteem after this kind of experience can be difficult.

Thanks again for sharing your story, hadeline - it's good for people to know they're not alone, and your advice is well worth taking.

[sanuanu]

Nice to see that people here are sharing there difficult days and how they overcome from that. Well, I have never been in this problem but my grand father has been in the same problem.
In his words, "People who are harrasing you are actualy harrassed by your work and they don't want you to grow in front of them. Everybody in this world wants to be rich but they do want to be more richer than the one who are in front of them."
Well, I never believed in that in my school days as I was realy good in study and my friendcirlcle was very nice. We studied and went to college, as all my school mates went outside and I had to make new friends in coll. Then I realized the meaning of bullying. They couldn't see my progress in my college I was realy dissapointed and at last I had to leave that college as it was effecting my health and my studies. I had taken addmission in new college but it has destroyed my 2 years and now I am doing my studies as well as job to watch a great career ahead. Now, I have the believe and experience of different people's reactions (at least of some kind).
Yeah, true you need to concentrate only to your destination, forget about other opinion on you!
Thank you all very much for posting your experiences!

[supressedinsanity]

Well just going a little off the topic here.

Which sex do you think is a wrose bully.
Male of Female.

Because a lot of people say that women tend to take things a lot more personal and are more emitionally bullying that guys who are more physical.

In your workplace , where do you find the negative energy coming from.
The guys or the girls.

[sugarglider]

That's a really interesting point. I agree that both men and women can be bullies, but the bullying takes a different form - with women it's more emotional, and with men it's more physical.

There's a great episode of Seinfeld where George and Jerry are talking about how boys at school would give each other wedgies as a way of bullying. Elaine says that girls never do anything like that, they just "tease you until you develop an eating disorder"

I'm not sure whether men or women are the worst bullies. I think that men will tend to bully other men, while women bully other women. (and maybe this reveals something about the psychology behind bullying...?) When I think back to the situation I was describing in my original post, I think I may have been picked out partly because I was the least experienced (and therefore lowest ranked) female in the place, and the bullies were women. There were a few other people who started the job at the same time as me, but they were all male.

[supressedinsanity]

Yep Ive heard that girls tend to be bitchy in their bullying.

But arent there always people who get along with the bullies that take the victims under their wing and tell the bullies to ease off?
Ive seen bullying at school when I was a kid and its a really sad thing to see.
Guys usually do it just to act very macho infront of the other guys.They generally pick on the more feminine guys and belittle them infront of the Macho guys.
Yeah Guys do get physical.But people say that physical is better than being bulltied mentally.Whats the take on that.

For guys i think bullying is more of an extreme homophobic reaction. But its really sad to see.I always wondered how these people go on living everyday like this.

If bullied kids like these bring guns to school and blow up their bullies.I wouldnt be suprised at all or concerned.

[sugarglider]

I think that mental and emotional bullying can be very damaging - the wounds can take far longer to heal than physical bruises. But doesn't physical bullying create emotional damage aswell?

I think that you're right that guys tend to bully other guys to look tough in front of their friends - with women it's more about the bully building up her ego at the expense of the victim.

[peachey]

I use to be a supervisor of a plant ...and can say I have witness and had to intervin in some of the bulling that is carried on in a work place.

I belive and I will keep this short and to the point...
Allot of times It comes down to jelousy...that one is preform better than some one that think they are the best...I found that out in alot of workers that had been there for years and get laxed in work styles...Then when a new employee comes in and has the zest and willingness to put forth thier ablity to go a good job because that is why they were hired...the older ones get upset and start this due to the fact the new employee wants to make a good work habit for themselves to remain on the job...

Another thing I find ...like me I put 150% in my work..I will do thing that maybe I do not have to do. But that is me. Maybe I have down time or extra time for a few mins. I would sweep the floor or something to improve the work conditions...

This will make some of the older ones very upset due to the fact they do not want to do it cuz they have thier job....

Again I belive that once in a while some of them need a little boost to thier laxed ego..

[supressedinsanity]

Well yeah this is quite a disturbing trend and is present in mostly government office here.
People dont work because there isnt any pressure on them to.
And new people these days dont just want to sit behind a desk and do nothing the whole day. Ultimately it leads to office conflict.

I guess making all the employees feel threatned about their jobs is the way to make them all work harder and not pick on the guy who wants to do the work.

[peachey]

Hey and you have got that right...as you said too bad this is the way that it is but that how it happens...One does it all for the rest and eveyone suffers...and not talking about the one that wants to but the ones that are not willing or to secured they think in thier jobs...

[sugarglider]

Perhaps it's getting a little off the subject, but I think it's a real shame people spend all their time doing something they don't enjoy, and not having any motivation to do it well. If there's an office culture to avoid doing any work, and bully people who actually want to get on with the job, that's a real problem.

Is it really that impossible to find a job doing something you actually want to do?

[supressedinsanity]

Well,
Continuing the off topic path.

Sugar it is actually quite difficult fr people to get a job which they enjoy.
I personally know how hard it is because im in a dilemma about whether I should take a job I enjoy or one that pays me the most.
I feel that the pressures of society and family dont neccesarily leave us with any free will left to make decisions based on our likes.
So your stuck in a boring job because its paying you and it gives you more respect among your friends and family.