Wisconsin Vacation Rules
How to save your $$$ if you plan to visit Wisconsin this summer -
Issued by the Wisconsin Bureau of Tourism to all visitors:
1) Don't order Fillet Mignon or Pasta Primavera at Al's Lodge. It's a
diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something
they know. If you upset the ladies in the kitchen, they'll kick your a$$.
2) Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Sheboygan, Menomonee,
Nekoosa, Prairie du Chien, etc.) or we will just have to kick your a$$.
3) Don't order a bottle or a can of pop here. Here it's called "soda,"
Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an a$$ kicking.
4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you are.
We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hicks or we'll kick your a$$.
5) We have plenty of business sense. You have to make a living here.
Naturally, we do sometimes have small lapses in judgment from time to
time, but we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate and let her win. If someone tried to do that, we would kick her a$$.
6) Don't laugh at our giant fiberglass fish and cows. Anything that
inspires tourists to buy 50,000 postcards can't be bad. And don't
laugh at our love and pride of cheese or we'll kick your a$$.
7) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut
up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here or we'll kick your
a$$.
8) Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone
will instantly know that you're a tourist. Eat your steak rare like God
intended and have some potatoes with that, for heaven's sake! Also, don't ask what a hot dish is or we'll kick your a$$.
9) Don't try to fake a Wisconsin accent. We don't have an accent.
That will incite a riot and you will get your a$$ kicked.
10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we
know better. Many of us have visited big-city hellholes like LA, New York
and Chicago, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here,
interstate 90, 94 and 43 are ready when you are. Move your a$$ on home before it gets kicked.
11) Don't complain that Wisconsin has too many mosquitoes and
farmland. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty we'll kick your a$$ all the way back to Chicago.
12) Don't ridicule our manners. We only speak when spoken to. We hold
doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet, little gray-haired grandmothers or they will kick some manners into your a$$ just like they did ours.
13) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live on the farm or in the woods? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or LA. Make fun of our fresh air and we'll kick your a$$.
14) Oshkosh B'gosh is NOT a joke. Your a$$ will be kicked.
15) The Green Bay Packers are not a joke. God created the greatest
football dynasty ever and placed it in Green Bay. Any jokes about the Packers or Vince Lombardi will result in a severe and unrelenting a$$ kicking.
16) If you are from Atlanta, for your own safety, say you are from
somewhere else, lest you get your a$$ kicked. (Take three sports
franchises from Milwaukee and we have a tendency to hold a grudge.)
17) If you are looking for a water fountain, you'll need to go to a park.
Water comes out of bubblers here. Make a joke about it, and you guessed it, another a$$ kicking.
18) Sausage Races are cool. Make fun of it, and one of the Sausages
will come up from the field of Miller Park and lay down a 8 foot sausage
a$$ kicking on you.
19) The University of Wisconsin is the oldest, best school in the Big
Ten. Any jokes about the quality of UW will result in Barry Alvarez, Ron
Dayne, Dick Bennett, Bo Ryan, Crazylegs Hirsch, Alan Ameche, Pat Richter, and any able bodied UW students assisting Bucky Badger in his class, A$$-Kicking 101.
20) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come out here and tell us that
hunting is cruelty to animals and venison is not edible meat. This will get
your a$$ shot (after it is kicked). Say this twice and you will go home in
a pine box. Minus your a$$.
Now enjoy your visit and then go home!
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Admin: THis message has been edited. Please do not use "BLOCK LETTERS" at any part of your message as it proves to be annoying. Thank you.
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