Do you miss them after they are gone!!!

[peachey]

My husband has passed away now for 8 months and yesterday I think I become the lowest in my life I could very get.

I really miss him and lot and find my self looking for his hugs and smiles. Sometimes I think I feel him giving me those hugs but not being here.
Sometimes I sit and look at his picture and talk to him about my troubles and fears.

Ken and I was married for 10 most fantasic years of our lives. We never fought one day that we were married. We learned to communicate with each other and respect each other. We learned that we did not need to change each other to expect the way we were. We learn that love could run very deep and with our life we have very good and exciting memeories.

He was not my childrens father, but everyone of them thought of him as that. He treated them as his own and they had the most greats upmost repscet for them.

Durning our marriage we were blessed with 7 grandchildren and what a wonderful grandfather he was to all of them we had a total of 14 grandchildren when he passed away.

I have come to the point in my life that I can not do nothing I mis him so much. I have quit my job, dont go out, hardly go out of the house.
I have not start wrting articles for people around the world and doing some other website things.

I found this website and each and everyone one of you are nice people and enjoy posting with you and sharing. Even thou I find It hard sometimes to talk about things I try my best to put a smile on each and ever one of you.

I have been in the nursing health field for over 15 years. Loving every min of it. But now I cant do it. Everytime I see or had to take care of a sick person, tears would come to me and I would think of Ken my husband.

The last two years he was very very ill and I took care of him at home. I then would only work when one of the children was able to come and stay with him. I did everything for him as he went blind with the diease he had. I was his eyes for him. And now I feel I can not take care of myself hardly.

I have gain some weight and need to get rid of it but dont have the ambition to get out and walk. I too have health problems my back and legs and been hard for me also.

Yestereday, I had some problems and just wanted to die. I think to myself what is the purpose anymore of going on..Ken is not here he was my soul in life and loved him so much.

Right now I am really having a hard time about alot of things that r going on in my life and really dont want to deal with nothing. I tell my friend I am ok but I know really I am not.

My family knows that I morn all the time for him...I have had to sell everyting to pay for the bills left from his death and doctor hospital bills.
But I have everything I would want in the world as far as material items.
He made sure I had everything I always wanted and needed. He took great care of me.

I have recently moved in with a friend and been able to help some. But maybe they think I need to do more? But I dont feel like doing nothing. I cry alot and sleep alot lately, and just dont feel like doing anything.

I am sorry I poured this out but maybe someone has a word that will help me to see that there is some more life for me out there.

Thanks to each and everyone of you with the posting I truely enjoy and look forward to see my email ful of replies.
Peachy

[jestuarn]

Peachy, there isn't anything wrong missing someone who had gone. But couldn't you see, you unconsciously using that cause to stop moving on, and that is disrespectful for the one who had loved you much.

If you really want to respect it, you should go out and do things that both of you usually do. Instead of coming with black attires to his grave, wear something bright and happy. Brings roses of love instead of lilies of sympathies. Just because his certificate says he's dead doesn't mean you had to think him the same way.

It is hard to do things that he always around, so start with the smaller parts, when you are ready, then you could do a bigger contribution. And if you are worried about people saying you are obsessed talking to pictures, then you could talk heart to heart, know what I mean? You didn't need to say it out loud, just whisper it in your heart.He hears it, that is how strong his love for you.

Stop avoiding things just becasue they remind you of him, start finding them to cherish him. Even if you couldn't find anything to live for anymore, that's because you need to find it. Sometimes, people live even for the smallest thing, because even a drop of water could alter hundreds of lives, so could you.

And, well, if you still couldn't find any meaning of life, remember the young people in this world. You had live long, give us and tell us your experience that may help our lives become better. Live to make the world better, in short terms. Who knows, you may save lives albeit indirectly.

Love and regards,
Jestuarn

[peachey]

Justuran

Thank you so much for the nice post you wrote.
Reading it has giving me some inspiration to make more of an effort to go some of the little things that I would be able to do right now to get going again.

I know doing post on here has really help me to talk to people, share thoughts, and knowledge of things that I know. I feel like I have a group of good frineds here that really care.

I also have sat down and made a list of small things that every day I have to do to start with. Only been a couple of days but has really help me and I do feel better today.

One thing is last night I sat and watch a tv program both of us enjoyed. Was nice, I have not watched it in very long time.

Another thing is I am a freelancer and have lots of work that I have let just sit for a bit and now the clients are wondering what up... So now this next week I have to work hard to get thier work done. I love doing this type of work. And so I have to get 100% on my work and get it done. I have to say yesterday was a great insperation to me. I almost have a project done that I have been trying but not that hard that was my goal and felt good about it.

Well today I want to get it done and out of the way.

Thanks again for the support. You dont know how much it means to me to have a friend that really cares like you do..

[jestuarn]

Well, it's good to here you up and kickin. As to work, I have many assignments waiting and I'm still eating ice-cream right now. How could I inspired people when I'm the one being lazy bum? :twisted:

[panggz]

Originally Posted by peachey

Yestereday, I had some problems and just wanted to die. I think to myself what is the purpose anymore of going on..Ken is not here he was my soul in life and loved him so much.

ever thought of what Ken would feel if he knew you're that close to giving up..?
he'd be really disappointed..
you wouldn't want that to happen, do you..?
he loved you when he was still there, and i'm sure he loves you still, and watching over you up there with the Almighty..
and he wouldn't want to see the one he loves break down just like that..
i'm sure he didn't want to leave you so soon, but i'm sure too that he wants you to live longer..
be with your grandchildren, they still do need a grandma..
and what about your children..?
they need you too..
gving up is not right..
it'll make a whole lot of people sad..

[peachey]

Justuarn gee and didnt share any of that ice cream lol
yes I know lazyness can be a habit when working at home.
But I have made a list of things that has to be done with my work and time slot to do it so that I dont get lazy ha ha and this has help alot this last wk for me
Thanks for the support and next time share the ice cream ha ha

[peachey]

panggz thanks for the support and the inspiration.
I know deep down all the things I have to do and that really I dont want to give up and yes the family I have chlidren and grandchildre are so supportive of me with all this.

I know he would not want me to give up but to continue and maybe find someone like him. I know just before he died he said to me to take and find someone cuz he knew I could not live alone that it would be to lonely for me. And to find someone to care of me like he did...

What a tall order ha ha

For now I am doing ok this week and taking it day by day and right now that is all I can do.

The work I do at home has help alot and too coming on here and talking to everyone had help get things off my mind and put laugh and smile in me. Just love to read all the post people put down and some of the people I have meet on here I know every day I can get a great laugh out of the things they say. It is great and really enjoy doing this.

But have to contiue on and get some work done today. Or a client will be very very upset If i dont finish the project.

Want to thank both of you for the friendship and support you have given me.
Have a great exciting day and fulled with joy!!!!!!!!!!

[panggz]

yea, life must go on..
as yours should.. :D

we'll oweiz be here to listen to any of your problems, peachey..
the least we could do is listen and make you feel that there are some people who care for you, though far..

i'm glad we make u laugh and we help put a smile on your face..
i know u'll get through this..
besides, God will always be there for u.. :D

Originally Posted by peachey

Want to thank both of you for the friendship and support you have given me.
Have a great exciting day and fulled with joy!!!!!!!!!!

have a great day ahead too..
and, take care alwayz.. :D

[peachey]

Well thanks and been not to bad of a week...last night and some today is not going to hot but ....i just letting it flow and sure that it will pass...been on here a couple of times now today seeing what people are saying and talking to them...and I have friends around the world on other sites and been talking to them and seems to help alot ...also my children know and they been calling and coming over and been helping ..this week i just have to get out and walk ...i know this would help me alot....and too suppose to be hot hot hot here hotter than has been in years and maybe nice time to spend a few mins out side maybe getting a tan since I am as white as a ghost and always have spend more time outside in the summer times then inside ..this is the frist year I have not spend out side...ok take care thanks all for listening

[renjun]

fist ,
hope you have a good time everyday! the sun is new ,the flower is good ,the sky is blue, the people is kindly, please don't stay at home all the time .

your love is great love! i wanna say don't cry for the old pain.
hope you have a good day .

with my wamest regards ,

Alan Li

from china .

mb: 0086-13573921027

[scorcinhot]

aaawwww peachey, we're all here for you dear :)
cheer up and live a good life :)

[peachey]

Thank all for the support and kind words.
Since July when I posted this been doing pretty good.

Now winter setting in and lot of holidays coming up. Just the last few weeks have been really hard for me and last couple of days super hard. Actually can not believe I even on the computer ...

Just do not have much ambition to do anything at all ..like the sun went and does not shine the skies are grey ...

I know I will be OK just time..Need to really I guess deal with all and go on I know this is what I have to do and maybe that is what is wrong the letting finally go ..not sure...but thanks all..